We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
