You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize