she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Still dying that you shit outside
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
