Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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