Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
