then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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