Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
