actually, I'm a sock model
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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