just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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