Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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