so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
