you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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