my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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