Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
