Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
