he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
