His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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