trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
