Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
