After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
