I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
