My friends, they love my intelligence
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
