Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
