I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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