I think I won the penis lottery.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
