these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
