You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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