Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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