I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
