I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize