What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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