Where is the hickey?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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