also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need water and some morals
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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