Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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