Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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