You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
