What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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