I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
