they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
