that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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