I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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