Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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