It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
