its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
