can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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