so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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