nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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