thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
