I'm eating all of the evidence.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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