He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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