Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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