What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
