every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
