I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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