the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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