1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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