Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
