shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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