And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
please come you make the beer taste better
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize