Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
