We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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