I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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