Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
