Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
