apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
